it dawns on him that he doesn't know how to act here, realising with sudden clarity how much he's leaned on his one ability as a crutch. the problems he'd faced until now were clean, clinical, cut-and-dry. there's no negotiating with death, only rewinding and retracing and trying another path. having to deal with something more ambiguous that will potentially put a strain on his relationship with thorns is another thing entirely. if he isn't upset, does he think something's wrong with him? objectively, this isn't him, is it?
so what does he do? play it casual again? show remorse? instinct takes over, and he steps back, foot hitting the corpse behind him. his heart thrums like a trapped animal, breath too shallow to fill his lungs. restart. why is he even thinking about this when he could just restart? go off on his own so thorns wouldn't have had to come across this? no, that's wrong. he should go further back so that this would've never happened in the first place—a death so close to him isn't something thorns can just write off.
… but then, he realises again, how he doesn't want to be the only one carrying memories of their time together. even if it's nothing more than a single night sky, fleeting exchanges they could share any time, he wants them remembered. his breathing steadies, slowing as his eyes fall shut for a brief second. the zero to one hundred when there really wasn't any need to escalate it that far! whoops. ]
That's bullshit and you know it. That excuse only works when you're a trainee. Even then, what responsibility is there to take? The mission was flagged low-risk. They would've thrown another rookie squad at it if you didn't step up.
[ … ]
I'm taking his body to a lab. He was exhibiting similar behaviours as the Terrans used against us in Zeruertza.
no subject
[ he what?
it dawns on him that he doesn't know how to act here, realising with sudden clarity how much he's leaned on his one ability as a crutch. the problems he'd faced until now were clean, clinical, cut-and-dry. there's no negotiating with death, only rewinding and retracing and trying another path. having to deal with something more ambiguous that will potentially put a strain on his relationship with thorns is another thing entirely. if he isn't upset, does he think something's wrong with him? objectively, this isn't him, is it?
so what does he do? play it casual again? show remorse? instinct takes over, and he steps back, foot hitting the corpse behind him. his heart thrums like a trapped animal, breath too shallow to fill his lungs. restart. why is he even thinking about this when he could just restart? go off on his own so thorns wouldn't have had to come across this? no, that's wrong. he should go further back so that this would've never happened in the first place—a death so close to him isn't something thorns can just write off.
… but then, he realises again, how he doesn't want to be the only one carrying memories of their time together. even if it's nothing more than a single night sky, fleeting exchanges they could share any time, he wants them remembered. his breathing steadies, slowing as his eyes fall shut for a brief second. the zero to one hundred when there really wasn't any need to escalate it that far! whoops. ]
That's bullshit and you know it. That excuse only works when you're a trainee. Even then, what responsibility is there to take? The mission was flagged low-risk. They would've thrown another rookie squad at it if you didn't step up.
[ … ]
I'm taking his body to a lab. He was exhibiting similar behaviours as the Terrans used against us in Zeruertza.