[ thorns doesn't know he's done something they can never recover from
but they do their rounds… everyone comments on how helpful they are… while they're doing this, elysium mentions how they'll be on their honeymoon soon. everyone's shocked, thinking they've been married for forever? they don't know they've been married for zero days but that isn't anything anyone needs to know.
for whatever reason, elysium feels like he needs to be on his best behaviour… ]
[ listen. they may be insane but they are still allowed to have things where they go 'hmmm i would prefer if that did not happen actually'
thorns just innocently swings their hand as they walk, internally pleased by how married they seem. when they get to the grocer they are greatly thanked for their help; it definitely looks like it might start pouring very soon. ]
[ wrong. elysium's going to remember the one rejection for the rest of his life.
what else he's going to remember is this: the grocer asking where thorns' ring is? he's never seen him with one, he's curious. is it so valuable that he keeps it stowed away? they are so in love there's no way he doesn't have one.
elysium freezes up so bad the grocer realises they've walked right onto a landmine.
thorns goes quiet (well, he was already quiet) before sighin. ]
I had to sell it. We were desperate for money.
[ this isn't an entire lie. thorns did in fact have to give away a ring. was it a wedding one? no. but it's close enough to the truth he manages to sound believable. ]
[ elysium is spiraling so hard and thorns didn't even need to die for him to. the two-hit combo between the hair and wedding ring realisation…
…
he's still catatonic even after thorns' explanation. in fact, he might be doing worse? why didn't they sell his ring? he needs to be more conscious of making money, doesn't he? oh god, the scenario where he has to sell his body for them to find their lifestyle might come to pass it he doesn't think of something.
[ thorns, meanwhile, is complete unaware of elysium's crisis.
the grocer comments on how terrible that is and that he hopes they manage to get a replacement ring soon. thorns nods. in reality he just wants to be able to wear the original feather elysium gave him again, but he cannot because the color does not match the dye job... plus they kind of don't want to showcase that elysium is liberi since they are in hiding.
the hubby is not doing okay. in fact, he looks even more stressed than he had been than when his hair had been eaten. isn't that sweet? he loves thorns more than his hair. ]
Can I really say I love you if I can't provide for you…?
can't do it here because the town is under the impression that they already are... they'd need to travel to a different city for it. how did they let this happen they should have just said they're engaged. ]
he thinks his feathers are worth more than any ring. but that's not how the world works. so! this is what he must do and this is what he will do or die trying. ]
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thorns leans in to give him a lil smooch before pulling away. ]
Cute.
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he is so adorable and well-meaning he just nods aggressively to being called cute he is no docybara!!!!! ]
The grocer will need help bringing all the produce in early. Let's go there first.
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thorns has learned that he can turn any bad situation (a punishment) into a good one (drug trafficking) as long as he is determined enough. ]
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but they do their rounds… everyone comments on how helpful they are… while they're doing this, elysium mentions how they'll be on their honeymoon soon. everyone's shocked, thinking they've been married for forever? they don't know they've been married for zero days but that isn't anything anyone needs to know.
for whatever reason, elysium feels like he needs to be on his best behaviour… ]
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thorns just innocently swings their hand as they walk, internally pleased by how married they seem. when they get to the grocer they are greatly thanked for their help; it definitely looks like it might start pouring very soon. ]
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what else he's going to remember is this: the grocer asking where thorns' ring is? he's never seen him with one, he's curious. is it so valuable that he keeps it stowed away? they are so in love there's no way he doesn't have one.
elysium freezes up so bad the grocer realises they've walked right onto a landmine.
goodbye. ]
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thorns goes quiet (well, he was already quiet) before sighin. ]
I had to sell it. We were desperate for money.
[ this isn't an entire lie. thorns did in fact have to give away a ring. was it a wedding one? no. but it's close enough to the truth he manages to sound believable. ]
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…
he's still catatonic even after thorns' explanation. in fact, he might be doing worse? why didn't they sell his ring? he needs to be more conscious of making money, doesn't he? oh god, the scenario where he has to sell his body for them to find their lifestyle might come to pass it he doesn't think of something.
he is officially the worst husband ever. ]
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the grocer comments on how terrible that is and that he hopes they manage to get a replacement ring soon. thorns nods. in reality he just wants to be able to wear the original feather elysium gave him again, but he cannot because the color does not match the dye job... plus they kind of don't want to showcase that elysium is liberi since they are in hiding.
he finally turns to look at his hubby. ]
What?
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the hubby is not doing okay. in fact, he looks even more stressed than he had been than when his hair had been eaten. isn't that sweet? he loves thorns more than his hair. ]
Can I really say I love you if I can't provide for you…?
[ the ring now counts as a necessity ]
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thorns was so unconcerned about the ring it takes a few seconds for him to understand what is happening here. he grabs his hand. ]
I'm fine without a ring.
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in the most strangled voice he can muster: ]
We aren't married, esposo.
1/2
closes it.
... ]
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[ they truly have been larping a married couple so hard that they just forgot they aren't actually married. oh my god. ]
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…
Our honeymoon…
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[ they just
can't do it here because the town is under the impression that they already are... they'd need to travel to a different city for it. how did they let this happen they should have just said they're engaged. ]
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[ genuinely
he thinks his feathers are worth more than any ring. but that's not how the world works. so! this is what he must do and this is what he will do or die trying. ]
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[ he still has other ones that he put away in case they needed to be bartered or sold, so obviously they can just say it's a wedding ring?
this completely goes against how wedding rings are normally given actually but thorns just does not want elysium to stress out. ]
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What are you going to tell people when they ask how I proposed to you?
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he realizes that he can't say they decided this in a fit of sexually charged, codependent insanity, huh. no one needs to know how crazy they are. ]
I don't know... you just suggested it?
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he shrieks. ]
This is what we need to fix! Thorns!!!!!
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Okay. What do you suggest we do?
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I'll get you a ring and propose to you on the beaches of Siesta and that's what you can tell people.
[ pauses. ]
There'll be fireworks.
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[ how detailed are these plans?
but he's mostly amused... elysium is so cute. ]
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[ he swings their arms while deep in thought. australia killed me today so this is me padding my brackets to ease my conscience… ]
What else should we include? A helicopter ride? A bouquet of poison ivy?
[ don't worry about the funds ]
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