chatime | ✧ — peach iced tea.

[ he wants to sabotage this so bad but he will be a good bestie… a part of him knows it'll inflict psychological damage onto himself, but he's also curious what kind of people thorns will swipe right on? people who seem like they're intellectually stimulating? older men and women?

thorns has every right to be scared because he spends the next thirty minutes working on this thing both fervently writing up his profile and cropping and editing pictures from the wedding. everything about it is a rather charitable interpretation of thorns? so charitable that it's probably more than mildly embarrassing to read through. ]

[ shaking

this is taking so long that thorns eventually just leans over, his headp brushing against elysium's shoulder as he peeks to see what he's doing. this is really such a bad idea... imagine people reading this and then they are forced to actually interact with thorns. ]

Did you take this long on yours?

[ THEIR BAKING SHOW

he just leans back until they're pressed against each other, head and shoulders aligning in a quiet fit. okay. he makes thorns sound like such a generous guy (he is!).

at some point, elysium glances up, only to realise their faces have ended up inches apart. he looks back down to his phone. he will not think about it and instead concentrates his energy where it's important. ]

My pictures speak for themselves. [ no. ] What, you think I'd half-ass yours? I wouldn't sabotage my bro like that. I told you; I'm backing you all the way.

[ he is sabotaging him just by presenting to the world a version of thorns that doesn't exist outside of their friendship, but like. he is just infinitely more stupid in this au i'm sorry. ]

[ he is truly just describing an entirely different person because thorns will not let other people get away with what he allows elysium to. it's fine. some people are into tsuns...?

thorns doesn't move away from him, even when he stops paying attention to what elysium is typing. he notes that he smells nice and wonder if it's the shampoo or something else. he also notes that he should not be thinking about this. ]

They'd be disappointed once they actually meet me.

[ other people like where is the dere in this tsun after excavating for a month ]

They just need to get to know you. And if they can’t even manage that much, then they deserve to miss out especially after it's been spelled out for them. Idiots.

[ it's not like he doesn't know what thorns is getting at. across every universe, he thinks thorns is too antisocial for his own good… but he also believes it's more of a time investment, a trust thing. anyone nice to thorns, thorns will be nice back. which isn't entirely wrong, but not entirely right, either…

the key is to be annoying. relentlessly, insistently annoying. and not just for a day, a week, or a month. who even has the patience or tenacity for that? everyone should, if the person in question is thorns. idiots!!!!!!! ]

[ his bias

unfortunately not everyone does though. and most of the people he gets along with are also fairly quiet in their own right, but that's probably why elysium was the one elevated to best friend status and not them. it's difficult to really open up to someone if they are also just standing there.

thorns realizes they can probably sit normally now. he still does not move. ]

Uh huh. Well, I guess we'll see how it goes.

[ he also maintains the proximity unfortunately ]

I wanna see who you'd swipe on.

[ he didn't do!! all this work for nothing!!!!! ]

[ this is going so much further than he had planned. he was going to do the bare minimum profile and idly check it so that elysium won't figure him out... but now work is getting put into this? is he expected to actually go on dates?

horrible. ]

Can you show me yours?

[ that is so ambitious since it would involve going further than the baseline of saying hi and into actively making plans. elysium doesn't expect thorns to get that far, but maybe he'll be unpleasantly surprised… ]

… Sure.

[ he just gives thorns his phone. besides scien, he is talking to like two other people… there are already several conversations he's already bowed out of… one of them can be the mad scientist horse girl and idk you can curse me with whoever else i'm dying here!!!!!!!!! ]

[ it's diluc, wow

he at least doesn't read the actual contents of the messages, but it is interesting to see. thorns should feel happy that elysium is doing his best to live life and find something nice for himself, but there's a part of him that is only reminded of what he messed up.

he finally moves, but it's not away. he fully rests against elysium. the contact is nice. ]

... mm. [ ... ] You're missing the show.

[ so is he. ]

[ YOU WANT HIM INVOLVED IN EVEN MORE GAY DRAMA? this is how thorns learns the existence of second lead syndrome; he's about to be the one that's terminal in this au…

regardless, he settles back as this is normal between friends. maybe not normal between them, but it's easy enough to convince himself otherwise. they slot together so naturally there's that tinge in his chest, again. ]

I think I missed an entire episode. Who got eliminated…?

[ don't think he doesn't notice what you're doing… thorns… but he just gets the sense that he's shy, so he leaves it at that, letting him breathe instead of pressing it further. why do they actually need alcohol in them to get anything done they are so pathetic. ]

[ the way alcohol is how [redacted] happened too, they are so deeply useless without it to jumpstart anything.

but thorns will helpfully explain who got eliminated, who was close to it, and who got star baker... all you need for a summary. the entire time he is fully aware that he should move but he has no idea if this might ever happen again, with elysium actively trying out dating. he never really saw himself as an opportunist but here we are. ]

Now pay attention.

[ the way thorns had to be strong-armed into being a pirate like they are just deeply useless in general when it comes to rocking the boat. in elysium's case, no problem stirring up others, though… terrible.

but so many of their moments skirt the line between platonic and not, the difference hinging entirely on context. what elysium thinks is that now that everything has been laid bare, there's no real path toward romance left, the door feels firmly shut. he glances as the top of thorns' head, then moves his gaze back to the tv. really, the ache he feels now is nothing compared to their earlier days. ]

You're surprisingly intense about this. [ except everything he sees feels like it's doomed for failure in thorns' hands. hmm. ] … What if we made banana bread? We could even add protein to it.

[ how does one screw up banana bread ]

We don't have to add protein.

[ maybe they can make two... one with and one without.

although if elysium really wants his protein thorns will not stop him in the end, so the argument here is only for show. ]

That can work though...

We don't have to, but we could. We should, actually, since you're nowhere near getting enough protein everyday.

[ he reaches over to pinch thorns' arm. ]

Wanna go for a night ride? We can pick up ingredients and I can show you something nice while we're at it.

[ this is so rude... but it's true. thorns does not have abs in this au.

he still pinches elysium back anyway. ]

Sure, even if I'm not sure of your definition of nice.

It's literally nice. [ ( meme voice ) ] Would it kill you to have less suspicion?

[ yes, apparently.

but they can get dressed and do whatever else it takes for them to get to the grocery store… elysium has the first google result for banana bread open and is kind of just. staring at it and a bunch of other things at the baking section. namely, measuring cups? measuring spoons? baking pans? ]

How much of a phase do you think this is?

[ sometimes you buy whole sets of things on impulse (me) ]

This isn't a phase.

[ this is exactly what anyone who is currently going through a phase would say about it.

choose wisely. ]

I'm going to get the ingredients for flan.

[ he has not forgotten his first love. ]

[ internally tears up. remember when he'd only managed like three bites of flan before caving. he wonders if he can pull that off again or thorns will be sitting across him like they're in an interrogation room. how does one potentially get out of this scenario…?

he'll have to think.

but when has elysium ever been wise about anything? the second thorns isn't at his side, any semblance of impulse control vanishes. suddenly he's stacking an entire matching set of tools into his basket along with a muffin tin, macaron sheets, and anything else that happens to catch his eye just because he can.

it's one of those trips where you expect to grab three or four items so you only take a basket, but by the end, you're balancing such a veritable mountain that makes you wish you'd gone for the cart. things are sticking out at odd angles, he has to hold it out at distance so he doesn't poke himself with the spatula that's jutting towards the side, and he doesn't see a single thing wrong with it.

a not-so-secret part of him is excited by this… are he and thorns stumbling into a new hobby together? could the two of them, perhaps, become star bakers one day?? wowie ]

[ HELLO

thorns wanders back with all of his ingredients and he just fucking blinks at elysium.

there is no room for him to put his stuff so he will just hold it in his arms, like a child trying to convince their parent to buy something they don't need. ]

So you agree that it's not a phase.

[ he is annoying. ]

If we invest this much into it, then we have to commit. I'm helping you.

[ good thing he can be just as annoying in return. thorns literally could've picked up his own basket hello

instead of stabbing himself with the spatula handle he stabs thorns with it. ]

Did you get everything you needed?

[ he did not expect them to get enough things that they'd need more than one basket... they could have cutely shared one like a domestic platonic couple, and yet here they are instead.

he nods his head. ]

Yeah. We can go.

[ before they are further distracted. ]

[ every shopping trip has ended the same with them always walking out with more than they planned. thorns shouldn't even be surprised by it anymore? this haul might be excessive, but if they're going to be baking regularly, they aren't just wants, they're needs… in this essay he will…

…

but the way stores are designed to tempt you at every turn. until they're out the door there is no escaping distractions!! and he caves easily enough, slipping a few snacks under his free arm like they're nothing. this is fine. thorns ate so many chips they simply need to replenish, that's all. don't comment. ]

[ elysium really is a nightmare.

thorns watches this happen but doesn't comment on it because he knows the snacks will be purchased one way or another, if it's not now then it would be the next time elysium goes to the store. ]

Where are we going after this?

[ the place... ]

[ he's still stuck on the thought that he didn't make enough at dinner, so there is the possibility that thorns will get hungry during the ride and need something to snack on. there's that.

and if you thought the nightmare ended there, no… because he's also one of those people who commit the crime of having to buy new reusable bags every single time they shop, so they have a pile stacked up back at their place somewhere. when you leave them in the wrong coat pockets or you forget them in the car. today is no different… life is so tragic sometimes. ]

I already told you. A nice ride. It's what I do when you see me sneaking away at night. [ … ] I need you to give me your honest review. That, and… if we're going to be each other's best men, we should know more about who we are now.

[ this is no less vague but okay ]

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