[ it's thorns' stress animal now to keep him from killing elysium ]
When I'm done…
[ there's the sound of his hood coming off, followed by a long, steadying inhale. then—cutting.
it's inconsistent, like he has to brace himself before every cut. they are going to be here for so long. does thorns feel like divorce yet? (there is no marriage certificate for him to rip up.) ]
thorns just waits. and waits. he wonders if he should have offered to do it instead, but that might have caused another crisis if he had. thinks of how much drama the hair dyeing caused. ]
[ they have been so in sync about so many things that when they run into things like this it is so telling. thorns cannot even slightly pretend to understand elysium's despair considering how many times he has set his own hair on fire.
he's never been someone to mope for too long, though. so after a few minutes of truly being pathetic, he hooks his hand around thorns' shoulder and drags him closer. ]
[ they had privacy but what good was it for!!!!!!!!!!
now at least half of everyone's back… elysium bumps their shoulders together encouragingly. ]
We'll make up for it during our honeymoon.
[ someone's going to ask for their marriage certificate one of these days and they'll be like what. marriage is not a piece of paper but a state of being these people are fools. ]
[ they're fugitives, what are they even going to do with a marriage license? tears up
most people would argue that making up for one day with a whole week doesn't make sense, but they aren't exactly living in the real world anymore. for elysium, it makes perfect sense to nod along vigorously. ]
Since when were you this smart? Wow. [ it's almost like he never had his emo arc. the real test will be when he's faced with a mirror. ] Was there anything you wanted to do with an extra week specifically?
[ they're not affording it at all, they are so beyond delusional at this point it's impressive.
thorns is pleased that elysium's mood has gotten better though, not even considering it might plummet again once they're inside. he is too naive in matters of beauty... ]
Flirt. And maybe we can see a place you haven't been to yet.
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It can just eat my hair if it really wants to.
[ except it also won't like his hair dye..... ]
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Seared burdenbeast.
[ it
seems to get the hint and plops itself next to thorns sadly. ]
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he gives it a pat and then goes back to not looking at elysium... ]
When can I turn around?
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When I'm done…
[ there's the sound of his hood coming off, followed by a long, steadying inhale. then—cutting.
it's inconsistent, like he has to brace himself before every cut. they are going to be here for so long. does thorns feel like divorce yet? (there is no marriage certificate for him to rip up.) ]
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thorns just waits. and waits. he wonders if he should have offered to do it instead, but that might have caused another crisis if he had. thinks of how much drama the hair dyeing caused. ]
Everything okay?
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he does not say any of this aloud but he is absolutely thinking it, hand stilled and shaking.
breathe!! breathe!!!!!!! he resumed cutting. ]
Ten minutes.
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thorns goes quiet, giving the capybara another pat. about three minutes pass, ]
Are you sure I shouldn't be cutting it for you?
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so, it's not that he ignores thorns but he ignores thorns. does he get the next seven minutes to mourn his hair more or does thorns also lose it… ]
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he gets up to go look at some mushrooms..... ]
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when he finishes, he just pads over to wherever thorns is and hugs him from behind… the hood is once again drawn. sniffs. ]
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a moment of silence for his loss ]
Let's go home now, mi vida.
[ before someone sees elysium and he panics again. ]
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[ he's significantly more docile now, at least. he will hold onto one of thorns' fingers… and sniffs again. ]
If anyone asks it happened in combat.
[ not because thorns' new child tried to vore him ]
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We can just leave it at the farm...
[ now that they know it doesn't tend to wander apparently. ]
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[ this is said half-heartedly not because he will miss it but because he's now essentially phantom. is he elysium anymore… no… ]
Sorry.
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[ even though this is all dramatic, it is still very much elysium, so thorns knows what he signed up for.
honestly? him being so passionate about something that isn't thorns is kind of refreshing. ]
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he's never been someone to mope for too long, though. so after a few minutes of truly being pathetic, he hooks his hand around thorns' shoulder and drags him closer. ]
We didn't get to flirt a lot today.
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[ he thought the day would be nonstop flirting but instead they had to actually do their job and then tragedy struck.
they are so tortured. ]
Are we unlucky?
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now at least half of everyone's back… elysium bumps their shoulders together encouragingly. ]
We'll make up for it during our honeymoon.
[ someone's going to ask for their marriage certificate one of these days and they'll be like what. marriage is not a piece of paper but a state of being these people are fools. ]
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thorns sighs, accepting that they were forced to go through hell (an exaggeration) today but it only made their bond stronger (debatable). ]
We should stay an extra week for the honeymoon to make up for it.
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most people would argue that making up for one day with a whole week doesn't make sense, but they aren't exactly living in the real world anymore. for elysium, it makes perfect sense to nod along vigorously. ]
Since when were you this smart? Wow. [ it's almost like he never had his emo arc. the real test will be when he's faced with a mirror. ] Was there anything you wanted to do with an extra week specifically?
[ how are they affording this honeymoon ]
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thorns is pleased that elysium's mood has gotten better though, not even considering it might plummet again once they're inside. he is too naive in matters of beauty... ]
Flirt. And maybe we can see a place you haven't been to yet.
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it's time to rob a bank. ]
That's a tall ask. I don't know about you, but getting kidnapped in Sami together doesn't sound the most romantic.
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[ thorns thinks they can just make everything romantic if they just try to?
he is biased. ]
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[ he says this but like
any scenario where only one of them gets kidnapped is doomed to be deeply unhinged. ]
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Wouldn't you want to rescue me for real this time?
[ since his attempt to save him from pirates was unneeded. ]
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