[ he is truly struggling to imagine himself as an assistant because his patience is below the ground on these matters, but he will try to do it for elysium.... he supposes he is one in certain aspects. ]
[ reaches for the low-hanging fruit. annoying. but next up is moisturiser… yippee. in the form of little dots on every part of thorns' face. watches as thorns learns nothing from this and just plaps a giant blob on one cheek and smears it around. ]
Should I find one to put on for you? We don't have to work the profession to have fun.
[ he is already forgetting they're broke. also, he has so many stupid things on his list already he'll never have money again… ]
[ his money has always gone into stupid shit it's just more egregious now considering their circumstances… but it's okay. ice soup for sexy lingerie and cosplay sounds like a fair trade.
You're really into this. Should I do what you do? Just hand you questionable chemicals and hope for the best?
[ that is what scien did too, but alas. he is not thorns and so he must now die for his transgressions. ]
Hmm. But I'm more into other kinds of experiments. Like annoying you on purpose to see how much I can get away with. Or——how many kisses it'll take until you forgive me. Those're tons more fun.
still, the psychological pain is lessened by the fact that thorns has managed to follow simple instruction. he would not have been able to take two consecutive blows. ]
In this imaginary scenario, I'll dedicate every toxin I synthesise to you…
[ this is what he finds romantic right… he sounds kind of dead inside. ]
They'll be named Thorns 1.0, Thorns 2.0, Thorns 3.0, and so on. I'll come up with something even more potent than what you've got now, strong enough to knock people out within a hundred-metre radius.
[ does thorns feel his pants dropping yet. this is realistic and not immersion-breaking in the slightest. ]
And the kicker? It'll induce nightmares about being bald. That'll show them not to mess with us.
[ internally thorns is thinking that this is a horrible naming convention actually. he manages not to comment on it though, but he is so very close to doing so. ]
[ elysium had put it on multiple places for thorns? so thorns did the same. just with way more product so elysium is going to have the most moisturized face of all time. ]
[ he is so shiny… tears up… how's he supposed to put on sunscreen like this. well. at least they literally have no plans today or his pasty ass might explode touching sun. ]
We get to do it every morning. [ enunciates… ] If you change your mind, I'll be heartbroken.
[ elysium thinks there is only going up from here. he's training his pet thorns. ]
There should be leftovers from yesterday. That involves asking where they are and if we can use the kitchen, though…
[ the inconveniences of living off of someone's generosity…. ]
Do you want some granola? I have a few bars. [ it's the slightly unhealthy kind since he'd swiped them from the front and not military grade. ] We can worry about the rest later.
[ maybe he'll actually get to see thorns fish later? ]
[ having to carry elysium all the way over to the kitchen sounds like a pain. not because thorns minds doing it, but because anyone who spots them will question why thorns is still carrying him around. "just go alone" absolutely not ]
[ in the time it takes for thorns to go to the kitchen and get food alone a hole will open in the floor and eat elysium alive, it's true
but he will peel back the layer of one to feed thorns. 'we need to get [elysium] breakfast.' wrong. elysium needs to get thorns breakfast and he has and won. ]
I'll be fine to head out by afternoon. We could even go now, if you want. But I wanted to relax with you for a while since it's been so long.
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Only if you're an assistant in that same life. Can you imagine?
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You'd look good in a lab coat.
[ thorns doesn't wear those. ]
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[ reaches for the low-hanging fruit. annoying. but next up is moisturiser… yippee. in the form of little dots on every part of thorns' face. watches as thorns learns nothing from this and just plaps a giant blob on one cheek and smears it around. ]
Should I find one to put on for you? We don't have to work the profession to have fun.
[ he is already forgetting they're broke. also, he has so many stupid things on his list already he'll never have money again… ]
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thorns reaches over to flick elysium on the nose. he is not paying any mind to how elysium is applying this. ]
I don't need one.
[ BUT ELYSIUM DOES? ]
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elysium just sniffs. ]
Then that makes you my test subject.
[ this is about to get unethical so fast ]
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[ elysium probably said this to scien in the other thread and then it killed him.
but it's fine here. ]
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[ that is what scien did too, but alas. he is not thorns and so he must now die for his transgressions. ]
Hmm. But I'm more into other kinds of experiments. Like annoying you on purpose to see how much I can get away with. Or——how many kisses it'll take until you forgive me. Those're tons more fun.
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[ thorns temporarily forgot what flirting was for a second there to instead be pedantic. ]
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he decides it's unsalvageable. ]
I'm done. It's your turn.
[ an imaginary tear runs down his cheek ]
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but thorns will take the toner and wordlessly start applying it to elysium. plap plap. ]
You look disappointed.
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still, the psychological pain is lessened by the fact that thorns has managed to follow simple instruction. he would not have been able to take two consecutive blows. ]
In this imaginary scenario, I'll dedicate every toxin I synthesise to you…
[ this is what he finds romantic right… he sounds kind of dead inside. ]
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Really?
[ this is so sweet? ]
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[ does thorns feel his pants dropping yet. this is realistic and not immersion-breaking in the slightest. ]
And the kicker? It'll induce nightmares about being bald. That'll show them not to mess with us.
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You are so smart, mi vida.
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thorns is so lucky he's cute. ]
Aren't you forgetting something? The toner's drying.
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he grabs the moisturizer.
plap plap plap plap plap ]
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You're having fun. Isn't it nice getting ready together?
[ aside from the multiple incidents where they nearly got violent ]
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It does make it better.
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We get to do it every morning. [ enunciates… ] If you change your mind, I'll be heartbroken.
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[ thorns is offended?
granted he is highly likely to change his mind so the guilt tripping is fully necessary here. ]
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Oh, you know. It happens. I won't blame you for it, but I'll still feel sad…
[ he hugs thorns against him but it's mostly so he can drape his weight over him. he is so useless right now. ]
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[ thorns will be so good and remember all these steps perfectly, he thinks while also ignoring he has already messed up. ]
We need to get you breakfast.
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There should be leftovers from yesterday. That involves asking where they are and if we can use the kitchen, though…
[ the inconveniences of living off of someone's generosity…. ]
Do you want some granola? I have a few bars. [ it's the slightly unhealthy kind since he'd swiped them from the front and not military grade. ] We can worry about the rest later.
[ maybe he'll actually get to see thorns fish later? ]
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[ having to carry elysium all the way over to the kitchen sounds like a pain. not because thorns minds doing it, but because anyone who spots them will question why thorns is still carrying him around. "just go alone" absolutely not ]
How do you feel?
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but he will peel back the layer of one to feed thorns. 'we need to get [elysium] breakfast.' wrong. elysium needs to get thorns breakfast and he has and won. ]
I'll be fine to head out by afternoon. We could even go now, if you want. But I wanted to relax with you for a while since it's been so long.
[ sure ]
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