[ for being so chatty seconds prior, the reminder that thorns isn't going to let anything go shuts him up real quick—whereas the last thing he'll do is let thorns take the fall for his own actions.
and so he just looks ahead while thinking about what he'll say and the moves he'll make to prevent it.
they eventually end up at a rhodes-affiliated lab. it's a good thing elysium typically wears black, as by the end of it, his entire backside is both drenched and encrusted in blood. the staff there very nervously hand him a change of clothes. he takes a plain white shirt, if only to make their walk back less awkward.
but, they are given an empty room to discuss what they need to before that. elysium just laces his hands on his lap and stares at the table. ]
thorns does not sit. he walks to where elysium is and starts to expect where it looked like the injury was so that he can get a better idea of how bad it is. ]
Tell me what happened, starting with why did you leave?
[ at some point when he'd changed into the clean shirt, he'd ripped apart his old one to serve as a makeshift bandage. so, it'll be hard for thorns to tell the extent of it without touch (especially considering the fabric is black), but the fact that the gash peaks through does speak to the length of it.
if he does decides to poke at the cloth, it's already damp. ]
I ended up with the guy we were looking for. What you saw speaks for itself…
[ … ]
I didn't want to say anything earlier, but it almost feels like you're treating me like one of the rookies? What do you mean, why?
You could have alerted me. And that's not an actual explanation of what happened.
[ elysium is skipping basically the entire explanation, he thinks.
is part of this due to thorns' immense paranoia that gets worse and worse with every instance of danger? yes. but neither of them have openly talked about what's really happening. ]
You were busy with your interrogation. If it was going well, I could've tipped the entire thing off.
[ he hadn't even strayed that far, bht he moves on as to not start another pedantic argument. ]
… I saw someone walk by with his jacket on. The next thing I knew, I was being attacked by the very person. I'm pretty sure it was a warning for dispatching two of theirs the other night and for us to not pursue the matter further.
If anyone wants to point any fingers, it all goes back to me. I take full accountability. Ask HQ for the files on the mission to Zeruertza and their research if you're that curious about my rationale. It's not my place to say more than that.
[ he unfolds his hands, lays his palms flat on his lap. they feel clammy.
guess who else is insane and has intense ptsd from that same mission? if thorns does try to contact them—he'll find himself blocked from access and for him to stand down as an elite squad is being sent their way. fun! ]
[ it's frustrating when he knows more about this organization already simply because of how many times they've run into them, but none of them were in this timeline.
he takes a step back from him. ]
You need to get properly treated. If we're attacked again, right now you're at a disadvantage.
[ says this more like an observation than an accusation. he's also looking at anything, as if he's not particularly there. oddly enough, it doesn't carry the same sharp panic as it had back in the alley.
[ ending the conversation here has the same uncertainty that a lot of their previous arguments had. thorns once again thinks of all the time they had some sort of argument and then something bad happened right after. ]
[ when had it gone from i don't want you to give up your dreams to this? ]
Should this just be our last mission? We don't have to see this through. Once backup arrives, our roles are done.
[ which is such a wild thing to reconcile with considering the people they are, but his hand grips thorns' back, their duty to the compass included implicitly. what spaces can't love fill? nothing. it spreads and mutates when you leave it unchecked, and at this point
even if he doesn't recognise himself anymore, he at least has that: his love for thorns. ]
[ yes, there are people who don't go on field missions at rhodes. but they both know that no one would understand any decision they might make to switch to that, and that they'd still get constantly asked to go on them anyway. people still can't wrap their heads around elysium quitting his squad. half of them likely expect him to come back.
in any case, it would probably be better for them to do a clean break (it would not actually be better, it would likely lead to even worse habits). ]
[ calling it a vacation or a honeymoon leaves the benefit of doubt that they'd return. even if they were to officially make a decision to leave, rhodes would be kind enough to take them back. but are they the type to go back on their decisions?
his grip on thorns tightens. he doesn't realise he's begun to tremble. ]
[ simply because they will need to discuss the logistics of several things, like their belongings, which would be less of an issue if they had a base to put there things are.
he thinks about the farm and how nice that was. ]
Elysium, you are everything to me. Don't forget that.
I like later because it gives a goal to live towards.
[ sorry, he doesn't want to think in terms of only having the current moment. maybe he did in the past, but that feels too much like accepting the finality of things. ]
I will go wherever you want us to. Name a place and we'll be there, mi estrella.
[ live towards, huh. the distinction doesn't escape his notice, hand finally easing up on its tension only to tug thorns sharply forward. he looks at him directly, eyes almost dull. maybe this is the timeline to push things to their limit. when they're free from all their other obligations and responsibilities, isn't that when they can truly live? ]
It feels like things keep getting in my way. The compass, this mission. I keep causing trouble for you even though I'd promised to make you happy.
[ he realises he's being a little insane, more than a little insane, but that just comes with the territory when thorns has offered practically no pushback to any of his episodes thus far. his fists ball into thorns' shirt, forehead resting against his chest. ]
If all we need is each other, why can't we do now? To wherever our feet will go, intil the end of time itself catches up to us. We can stop by Yan, Siracusa, Laterano. Make our way around Victoria and Siesta then stop by Rhodes if you really need to.
[ resigning from his squad was one thing. he'd wrapped up most of his major duties, and while inconvenient, they'd manage. but abandoning the compass when he'd been the one to start it is a new level of unhinged that he doesn't think will slip past mantra. the moment she pins him down, looks into his mind or assesses his psyche—it's over. ]
We'll have to be fast…
[ mumbling. so much of this has been to himself more than thorns. ]
[ thorns really needs to be more concerned with elysium being insane but here we are. he shifts, but just enough so that he can press a kiss to elysium's head. ]
We need to tell them.
[ the rookies. regardless of whether elysium cares about them or not, the optics of killing one of them then vanishing would be so horrendous even if rhodes hq already knows what happened. ]
[ thorns looking at elysium playing god like this is fine
but his mood keeps lurching from one extreme to the other. are they okay? no, they aren't. yet they're still alive, and as long as that holds true, there's still a chance to set things right—whatever that defining of 'right' might be.
he finally lets the rest of the tension bleed away and springs to his feet, stretching as if the atmosphere had been casual all along. ]
Right! I haven't forgotten about that. We should at least be around to hand over the mission properly, too.
[ he reaches over to grab his hand again, seemingly refusing to let go of it.
they really do seem to be swinging back and forth over a cliff whenever things have even the possibility of going wrong. it feels like one wrong step could send them toppling over the edge, and then... what? what happens after that? ]
[ this is not the right vibe for going to tell a group of friends he just murdered one of their besties but he at least has the whole way there to think about it.
elysium's grip is loose by comparison, but about halfway through the way back—
thorns will feel… blood trickle onto him… the shirt he's tied around his wound soaked entirely through. does elysium notice anything, though? nope. he just continues onward, deep in thought. ]
[ he vaguely remembers seeing what looked like a sign to a clinic along the way. he could also do this at the hotel since they have first aid materials, but he's worried it might be a lot more serious than he thought it was. ]
… Your priorities are all messed up. Is this really more important than getting back to the others? They're worried sick. Probably running themselves ragged trying to find their friend.
[ he thinks to how much thorns had dropped when he'd come back from zeruertza critically wounded. his gaze drops to their joined hands before flicking back up to thorns. ]
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no subject
and so he just looks ahead while thinking about what he'll say and the moves he'll make to prevent it.
they eventually end up at a rhodes-affiliated lab. it's a good thing elysium typically wears black, as by the end of it, his entire backside is both drenched and encrusted in blood. the staff there very nervously hand him a change of clothes. he takes a plain white shirt, if only to make their walk back less awkward.
but, they are given an empty room to discuss what they need to before that. elysium just laces his hands on his lap and stares at the table. ]
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thorns does not sit. he walks to where elysium is and starts to expect where it looked like the injury was so that he can get a better idea of how bad it is. ]
Tell me what happened, starting with why did you leave?
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if he does decides to poke at the cloth, it's already damp. ]
I ended up with the guy we were looking for. What you saw speaks for itself…
[ … ]
I didn't want to say anything earlier, but it almost feels like you're treating me like one of the rookies? What do you mean, why?
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[ elysium is skipping basically the entire explanation, he thinks.
is part of this due to thorns' immense paranoia that gets worse and worse with every instance of danger? yes. but neither of them have openly talked about what's really happening. ]
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[ he hadn't even strayed that far, bht he moves on as to not start another pedantic argument. ]
… I saw someone walk by with his jacket on. The next thing I knew, I was being attacked by the very person. I'm pretty sure it was a warning for dispatching two of theirs the other night and for us to not pursue the matter further.
If anyone wants to point any fingers, it all goes back to me. I take full accountability. Ask HQ for the files on the mission to Zeruertza and their research if you're that curious about my rationale. It's not my place to say more than that.
[ he unfolds his hands, lays his palms flat on his lap. they feel clammy.
guess who else is insane and has intense ptsd from that same mission? if thorns does try to contact them—he'll find himself blocked from access and for him to stand down as an elite squad is being sent their way. fun! ]
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[ it's frustrating when he knows more about this organization already simply because of how many times they've run into them, but none of them were in this timeline.
he takes a step back from him. ]
You need to get properly treated. If we're attacked again, right now you're at a disadvantage.
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[ echoes back. ]
You really are upset with me.
[ says this more like an observation than an accusation. he's also looking at anything, as if he's not particularly there. oddly enough, it doesn't carry the same sharp panic as it had back in the alley.
he gets up. ]
Was that everything?
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[ ending the conversation here has the same uncertainty that a lot of their previous arguments had. thorns once again thinks of all the time they had some sort of argument and then something bad happened right after. ]
Are you going to get looked at?
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We still have to round up the others. After.
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[ he doesn't sound happy about that but he knows that arguing isn't the move here without making things explode.
there's a pause, and he reaches out to grab his hand. ]
I love you.
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What did you mean by complex?
[ does
he love him less? ]
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thorns doesn't say anything right away, instead trying to consider the different responses he can give. ]
I don't want you to die.
[ he just settles on that, because it's the core of the problem if you peel away everything else. ]
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[ when had it gone from i don't want you to give up your dreams to this? ]
Should this just be our last mission? We don't have to see this through. Once backup arrives, our roles are done.
[ which is such a wild thing to reconcile with considering the people they are, but his hand grips thorns' back, their duty to the compass included implicitly. what spaces can't love fill? nothing. it spreads and mutates when you leave it unchecked, and at this point
even if he doesn't recognise himself anymore, he at least has that: his love for thorns. ]
no subject
[ yes, there are people who don't go on field missions at rhodes. but they both know that no one would understand any decision they might make to switch to that, and that they'd still get constantly asked to go on them anyway. people still can't wrap their heads around elysium quitting his squad. half of them likely expect him to come back.
in any case, it would probably be better for them to do a clean break (it would not actually be better, it would likely lead to even worse habits). ]
no subject
[ calling it a vacation or a honeymoon leaves the benefit of doubt that they'd return. even if they were to officially make a decision to leave, rhodes would be kind enough to take them back. but are they the type to go back on their decisions?
his grip on thorns tightens. he doesn't realise he's begun to tremble. ]
no subject
[ simply because they will need to discuss the logistics of several things, like their belongings, which would be less of an issue if they had a base to put there things are.
he thinks about the farm and how nice that was. ]
Elysium, you are everything to me. Don't forget that.
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[ his fingers dig in hard enough to bruise. ]
It's always later. [ … ] What if there is no later? You have to promise me now.
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[ sorry, he doesn't want to think in terms of only having the current moment. maybe he did in the past, but that feels too much like accepting the finality of things. ]
I will go wherever you want us to. Name a place and we'll be there, mi estrella.
no subject
It feels like things keep getting in my way. The compass, this mission. I keep causing trouble for you even though I'd promised to make you happy.
[ he realises he's being a little insane, more than a little insane, but that just comes with the territory when thorns has offered practically no pushback to any of his episodes thus far. his fists ball into thorns' shirt, forehead resting against his chest. ]
If all we need is each other, why can't we do now? To wherever our feet will go, intil the end of time itself catches up to us. We can stop by Yan, Siracusa, Laterano. Make our way around Victoria and Siesta then stop by Rhodes if you really need to.
[ resigning from his squad was one thing. he'd wrapped up most of his major duties, and while inconvenient, they'd manage. but abandoning the compass when he'd been the one to start it is a new level of unhinged that he doesn't think will slip past mantra. the moment she pins him down, looks into his mind or assesses his psyche—it's over. ]
We'll have to be fast…
[ mumbling. so much of this has been to himself more than thorns. ]
no subject
We need to tell them.
[ the rookies. regardless of whether elysium cares about them or not, the optics of killing one of them then vanishing would be so horrendous even if rhodes hq already knows what happened. ]
Look at me.
no subject
but his mood keeps lurching from one extreme to the other. are they okay? no, they aren't. yet they're still alive, and as long as that holds true, there's still a chance to set things right—whatever that defining of 'right' might be.
he finally lets the rest of the tension bleed away and springs to his feet, stretching as if the atmosphere had been casual all along. ]
Right! I haven't forgotten about that. We should at least be around to hand over the mission properly, too.
no subject
[ he reaches over to grab his hand again, seemingly refusing to let go of it.
they really do seem to be swinging back and forth over a cliff whenever things have even the possibility of going wrong. it feels like one wrong step could send them toppling over the edge, and then... what? what happens after that? ]
Let's go. You need to get looked at after.
no subject
elysium's grip is loose by comparison, but about halfway through the way back—
thorns will feel… blood trickle onto him… the shirt he's tied around his wound soaked entirely through. does elysium notice anything, though? nope. he just continues onward, deep in thought. ]
no subject
he stops walking, pulling elysium to a stop. ]
We're treating your wound now.
[ he vaguely remembers seeing what looked like a sign to a clinic along the way. he could also do this at the hotel since they have first aid materials, but he's worried it might be a lot more serious than he thought it was. ]
no subject
[ he thinks to how much thorns had dropped when he'd come back from zeruertza critically wounded. his gaze drops to their joined hands before flicking back up to thorns. ]
I see. [ … ] Okay.
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